Positivity and Professionalism. Are you gaining…or losing?
I used to hear people speak about the power of positivity and heard it as kind of woo-woo mumbo jumbo; a new age-y way of getting good things to happen by wrangling positive thoughts and trying to get myself to think them. It didn’t work for me.
But, from years of professional experiences, I now regard the subject of positivity in a very different–dare I say positive way. Let me explain.
As a business person, a professional, you may not think of yourself as sensitive.
But, the fact is, as humans, we all are. I don’t mean sensitive as in weak or timid or easy to offend. I mean sensitive in that we pick up on things.
We sense things.
Without words, we collect information. Impressions are sensed, and opinions follow, i.e. I like this person. I don’t like this person. I feel good around this person. I don’t trust this person. And much more…
I’ll go so far as to say that most successful professionals are keenly sensitive.
Their success is due, in part, from this very sensitivity which gives them insight on atmosphere or vibes, trends, and relationships. This sensitivity allows them to get a clear read on what’s really going on in a given situation and be able to steer it in an advantageous direction for optimal outcomes.
This "sensitivity antennae" picks up on positive and negative information. And, it affects us. For example, have you ever gotten together with friends and come home feeling wiped out? Or held a business meeting and came away completely drained of energy?
Why?
The conversation was lively and flowed effortlessly. You know the people well and even like them. So what gives?
In my many years of business, conducting meetings, giving presentations, negotiating contracts, training and mentoring staff members, and now coaching a myriad of personality types, I’ve learned something about humans.
People can be really negative!
I don’t mean egregious and malicious negativity. Those are obvious and you’d likely get yourself out of that situation pretty quickly. With friends you’d certainly find a way to be unavailable the next time you’re invited to get together.
I mean something more subtle, but with very real effects on us–and our business.
People call it small talk or socializing but what’s really going on is complaining. Commiserating over shared gripes about any number of topics: the economy, the job market, the government. Grumbling about traffic. Gossiping about colleagues or clients. Whining about my boss, my kids, or my spouse. Even moaning about the weather!
Often it’s pretty petty stuff. And it's all negative.
Here’s what I’ve learned. First, negativity is contagious. Like yawning, one person starts and soon the whole room can’t help but yawn–or gripe.
Second, negativity affects you and others around you and is a surefire way to suck the energy out of the room–out of you and out of the others in the room. It affects you. It’s exhausting. It’s a waste of time and it’s boring!
What’s more, it reveals laziness and immaturity.
A definite effort is needed to cultivate genuine positivity, a kind of formality requiring intellectual and emotional exertion. This effort is experienced–it is felt–by others. It creates a quiet authority that distinguishes you without diminishing anyone else. To circumvent other people’s negativity as well as one's own requires attention, stamina, and practice.
A sense of humor helps, too!
I challenge you to look at those easy flowing conversations and see what’s really going on–especially if you find yourself exhausted after them.
Now let's look at the other extreme…grotesque positivity.
We’ve all experienced this and we all cringe from it! The individual who incessantly compliments you on the most inane things, the one constantly spewing sunny slogans like ”today is another day to be amazing!” And when you ask them how they are, the response is invariably something like “never better!”
Please…
If those responses are sincere, that’s great! But, constant positivity that skips over reality, disappointment, or legitimate problems that need to be addressed is rarely welcome–or taken seriously. It’s as draining and ick-provoking as negativity!
So what’s the antidote if one is as detrimental as the
other?
Professionalism.
Principled conduct.
Personal standards.
Ethical behavior.
Moral Character
Good-Humored Collegiality
I’ll also add adherence to reality and truth, though some will certainly take the low road and say that the negative things complained about are real and true. Sure. But, where does the low road lead?
The central point is how I want to present myself. My work. My business.
For me, I want to feel good about how I interact with and serve my clients. I want to boost, not burden! I want to have a good time doing my work. And take pride in doing it!
Negativity disguised in witty humor or gossip steals the ability to experience that pride. It may even steal the ability to have clients and good camaraderie with colleagues!
This takes us back to the principle that people buy from and work with those they know, like, and trust. If my way of developing a rapport in an effort to get to know someone or win their business is by finding common gripes to complain about, what will that relationship be built on? Flimsy stuff if it gets built at all.
To work with you, people need to want to talk with you. If I’m a drain, that won’t be the case.
Here’s a barometer I often use: When one person in the relationship is feeling exhausted, drained, or dissatisfied, it’s rare the other person is feeling something different.
If you’re wondering why you haven’t gotten the promotion, won the new client you’ve been pursuing, or grown your network in a meaningful way, take a look at how you relate to others.
Do you need to develop your professional positivity?
I’m here to help.
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