GHOSTING...it's pretty scary!
Sadly, it is not uncommon.
Every day of the week you can look on any social media platform and read the laments of individuals who have worked hard preparing their candidacy, readying for their interview, even shopping for new business attire only to be ghosted by the manager with whom they met.
It’s not only in the job market.
Business professionals and sellers meet with prospective clients every day. They travel across town or across the country, make presentations–even wine and dine them. They prepare proposals–sometimes very elaborate and detailed proposals, only to be ghosted.
Where’s the humanity in this behavior?
It’s a fact that we’re increasingly relying on A.I. for everything. And its usefulness in many functional areas cannot be discounted. But are we becoming robots?
Let’s consider the buyer or the hiring manager and take their situation for just a moment. Yes, they are inundated by algorithms spitting hundreds of resumes and solutions of faceless, unknown people offering themselves or their services to fill a role or need. Certainly it’s a lot of work and many hours to respond to them all. But that’s part of the process!
To be fair, job seekers also use the algorithms to blanket very wide swaths of the marketplace with their resumes, targeting companies they know nothing about, applying to jobs for which they are not qualified. Sellers, too, get unqualified leads lists and do the same kind of blanketing to their "prospects."
So, it is a two-way street.
Expecting response from outreach that is grossly mismatched or unwanted is unreasonable. In this newsletter, I’m pointing to situations where there has been actual person-to-person contact. If the solution or the candidacy is not right, surely a human being is worth a simple: “Thank you, but we’ve decided to move forward in another direction.”
That’s it. One line.
Admittedly, more of an explanation has been merited. But a short, single line note is better than being left hanging.
It’s particularly egregious after someone has put time, effort, dollars, and their being into the opportunity only to have their counterpart suddenly disappear, never to be heard from again, as if none of it happened at all!
What can you do?
Not very much. We can't make anyone do anything. But, we can ask. At the close of your meeting, shake hands, look the other in the eye and ask them to give their word they'll be in touch. One way or the other. If you do that, you'll know from body language, inablility to meet your eyes, a stammering, hedging or even more subtle tells, whether you can trust they'll do as they say.
This helps to manage your expectation. I think it best to take the follow up responsiblity on myself and ask when they expect a decision and tell them that I'll reach out at that time. Then, ask for their word. This puts the onus on me to make the next contact. And, I don't stop until I do.
If you've been ghosted, I’m here to tell you: It’s not you!
This behavior reflects ONLY on the one who acts in this way. No consideration for another human being, no sensitivity or understanding of what it’s like to be in the job market, or trying to achieve a quota is cold and inhuman.
Their behavior is not your fault.
You may not be right for the position or have the right solution for this client, but no one deserves this kind of dismissal. Some might defend the behavior and say that hiring managers and buyers are just so overloaded and understaffed that something has to fall off their task list.
Maybe...but not this.
Even more distressing is what this behavior indicates about the society we live in. Look at what has become expected or commonplace. Look how many go through this experience repeatedly! Look at what has been deemed acceptable by company leadership. It doesn't inspire much faith in the company or basic human courtesy. So much more can be said about this, but I'll leave it here.
Anyone who’s been out of work, ready for a bigger role or selling in a down market knows how tough it can be to keep going. Resumes vanish into a black hole. Hiring managers go silent. Buyers ghost you. You work to keep your spirits up and take the next step—even when it feels like an exercise in futility. It’s not.
Sometimes, it IS a numbers game.
Do your best not to take the behaviors of others personally. Every experience of being ghosted is one step closer to the right place for you. Keep going. Find the organization who treats human beings like human beings. Which means they must be human beings themselves! THAT’S where you want to be. THAT’S who you want to do business with.
Protect yourself–your mindset, your motivation, and your energy along your journey. Get the support you need.
And, move on.
When the tables turn, as they always do, DON’T become like them.
I'm here to help.
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